40 Marriage Funny Status Updates for Facebook and Tweets
Marriage = Betting someone half your sh*t that you’ll love them forever
sez,I asked my husband: “What do you like most, my pretty face or my s*xy body?” My husband looked me up & down and said, “I like your sense of humor!”
To men who say “Why buy the cow when you get milk for free?” 80% of women won’t marry you because “It’s not worth buying the PIG to get a little sausage”
can’t seem to figure out why I’m insane… then I remembered… I am married… case closed 😉
Marriage is the most loving form of a battle to the death.
Definition of spouse: The person who’ll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d have just stayed single.
Don’t flatter yourself, I sent a friend request not a marriage proposal
Why doesn’t a marriage license expire like all other licenses, with the option to re-new?!
why do husbands hold wives’ hand in malls? – It looks ROMANTIC but actually it’s ECONOMICS.
Behind every man is a smart woman rolling his eyes. It’s more lady like to do that than to flip them off!
Psychiatrists say girls tend to marry men like their fathers. That is probably the reason mothers cry at weddings.
Husband ask: What you doing’ today. Wife says: Nothing. Husband says: But you did that yesterday. Wife says: I wasn’t finished.
thinks it’s funny when her husband takes out the garbage and then acts like he just cleaned the whole house.
The 3 rings in life: 1st the engagement ring, 2nd the wedding ring 3rd, the suffering
Man: You look like my 3rd wife. Girl: How many times have you been married? Man: Two 😉
marriage is like a deck of cards, in the beginning all you need is 2 hearts and a diamond, 10 years later you’ll want a club and a spade
Two words of advice for a successful, long-term marriage, – “YES, DEAR”.
My husband brings out the mental issues in me.
Remember the 3 stages of marriage 1) s*x anywhere 2) s*x only in the bedroom 3) passing each other giving the finger and saying F@*& YOU
<– Is NOT marriage material. 1 marriage + 1 divorce = 2 smart to do that again
We have been through the better or worse; the sickness & health, and for poorer times, my question is when will the “for richer” part happen?? ha ha.
Always remember this important rule to a happy marriage: GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO LISTEN TO THEIR WIVES!! Click “Like” if you Agree!
Heck with Romeo and Juliet… I’ll be Jenny and you be Forest Gump! <3
Wives should never give their husband the silent treatment, husbands usually think of it as a reward…
Marriage is supposed to be forever. That way when your parts start to sag, you’re still with the person who remembers where the parts used to be!
They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love. after marriage, it is self-defense.
What do you say when your husband says “I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world”? You reply “I’m going to miss you” 🙂
If a man is in the woods and says something and a woman isn’t around to hear, is the man still wrong?
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman is more than likely mad
Man sitting at home on the porch with his wife and he says “I love you.” She says” Is that you or the beer talking?” He says it’s me talking to the beer.
TOP STORY – Sleep Deprived Wife Smothers Snoring Spouse With Pillow – details at 11:00.
the person who really loves me sees what a mess I can be, how moody I can get, how hard I am to handle and still wants to marry me, now that is priceless
It would be so much more cost effective if Marriage Certificates came with an expiration date, a guarantee or a warranty.
My name is Mom, Mommy, Mother, Hun, sweetie, Ole lady, and a few other chosen names. NO WONDER most Mom’s have split personalities.
If you get married 3 times and your in-laws don’t change, ya might be a Redneck!!!
Always thought of having 3 children but decided two kids and a husband is clearly enough!
My husband thinks I’m crazy. But I’m not the one who married me.
Isn’t it funny that marriage and insanity both involve commitment and white clothing?
1st year of marriage I love you you love me we r a happy family. 10th year. Get the F*** out of my house
Arguing with your wife is like trying to blow out a light bulb…
Always remember the man is the ‘head’ of the household; the woman however is the ‘neck’ and the neck can move the head any way it wants!
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